Argh. Just argh.
Here follows a deeply uninspired posting. I will try to keep it short.
I have, in a previous post or two, shared my feelings of disgust, despondency and dismay regarding my corporeal form. And here’s the problem with going public with certain subjects: sooner or later, you have to decide – Do I want to strive to become the definitive blogger on the subject (in this case, fatness)? Or would it be more entertaining to strive for, and document, a change?
Plus there’s that dang bucket list I posted. That’s not a wish list or a dream list; everything on there is something I genuinely want to do. And a whole shitload of the goodies in my bucket are literally impossible to do when your bones and heart and liver and lungs are carrying around the equivalent of an entire extra adult (and not some skinny-malinky, either; this body of mine is a real two-for-the-price-of-one deal).
So for the sake of some good blogging material, and my bucket list, and also as an act of kindness toward my thumping heart and sore feet and aching ankles and perpetually tired, de-energized self, I have launched upon a 40-day Daniel diet. In other words, for the next 40 days I am restricting my diet to fruit, vegetables, nuts and whole grains, with only water and rooibos tea to drink. The food is minimally processed and free of any chemical additives. By the end of 40 days I will have figured out what to do next.
The “Daniel” part comes from the book of Daniel in the Bible, which describes how the prophet and his friends refused the food from the royal table and ate only vegetables and fruit. And here’s the bite … This isn’t really supposed to be a diet; it’s supposed to be a fast – undertaken with prayer and contemplation, with a spiritual motive. I wish I could just think about it as a diet, but I can’t; I am conscious that this ought to be a God thing. Because man (and woman) does not live by bread (or chocolate) alone. Only I’m still kinda skulking in my corner and sulking at God.
I can’t do anything about that right now. If I could get me to a nunnery for 40 days of contemplation, I would. Even an isolated fishing shack on a rain-swept beach would work. I would fast and pray and hold the infinite up to scrutiny, and emit verse and gush prose and eat nothing but apples, and at the end of that I would be … what? Enlightened, maybe? Certainly thinner.
Which brings me back to the point. You have to start somewhere, so I’m starting with 40 days of a really tough diet. I hope that at some stage I will be able, with integrity, to start referring to this as a fast and not a diet, but right now this is all about the stomach and, honestly, my spirit isn’t engaged. Having done this before, I know the first seven days are horrible – the past several times I’ve tried to do this, I’ve not made it past Day 3. I’m expecting headaches, nausea, zero energy and tears. After that it should get better.
And I am going to blog about it. Every. Single. Day.
Hold my hand, okay? I’ll try to write about other things too – I have so many stories to tell! But I have to do this – I have to win this fat battle – or all my stories will be in the past tense. And that would be such a terrible waste of the good life I’ve been given.
Dear Belladonna,
Your blog is most inspiring! And I am not being sarcy.
Your blog, here, reminds me of a very dear artistic lady who lived with a similar challenge and equally well rounded personality. She also undertook to join us in a fast. After a week I commented that I was at last able close my trousers without too much huffing and puffing. Her comment was: “Not only are my skirts looser but they are decidedly longer.”
So be encouraged. During the past year I lost ten killograms of lard that had attached themselves to my belly and hips. This has probably had the affect of contributing to my still being alive. While on a recent assignment in Singapore I had what some thought was a threatening heart attack, but I am able to report that I am in good health at present. I have tried to visualize what ten kilos of lard looks like on the counter; like twenty pounds of butter!
So keep it up. This world needs your presence and creative passion. You help us lesser creative souls cope with the sterility and boredom of dull religion.
Love,
Bamboo (DJ)
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Thank you for the encouragement…:) I need to hear that I’m doing the right thing. Focusing on simply losing weight seems such a trivial matter, when there are many other bigger matters – spiritual, fiscal, marital, relational, you-name-it-all – demanding attention. But this excess poundage is literally crippling me … Surely once I unload it, I will be better able to tackle the other challenges. I hope so, anyway!
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You got this! I am trying to lose weight, and it is very hard. I like the idea of the 40-day Daniel diet. I look forward to following along as you take this journey.
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Thanks for the support! I did it once before, for the full 40 days, and the results – in terms of sustained weight loss and general well-being – were incredible.
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Good luck! I’ll be cheering from the sidelines.
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Thank you! With every day that passes I have greater need of those cheers!
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Fab! I’m dieting at the minute now too… happy to jump on the diet train and keep you company… 🙂
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All company welcome! And thanks for following my blog…:)
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