Inhale, hold nose, jump

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Here’s the thing … this blog is boring. It’s boring because I’ve been too scared to let it out of its closet. I write things, then I think “Oh shit, what if someone reads this … and knows it’s about ME? What if someone is hurt, or offended, or thinks I’m a loser?”

Well, stuff it. If you’re hurt or offended, get off the page. If you know I love you, you better know I know you’re not perfect, and I don’t care. And, furthermore, if you claim to love me, you better not care about my warts either. If you do, that’s your problem – you deal with it. And if you don’t know me but think, on reading, that you might like to, feel free to stick around. Say your piece. I’d like to hear what you think.

As for me … I don’t know why I feel the need to blog, but I have a gut-deep sense that THIS is the way back to serious writing, and THAT is the one real thing I need to do. I am 56 years old, for crying out loud … It’s time to quit procrastinating and start doing. No more spending hours of daylight in bed, hiding behind a book, watching the hours tick by, and wondering what the fuck happened to my life.

So. I took a breath and I posted a piece that’s been sitting in hiding for a couple weeks. I jumped. 

I’ve hit the water. I’m down deep. I’m swimming.

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About Belladonna Took

Into my second half-century and still trying to figure out what to be when I grow up. Born South African, naturalized American, at constant risk of losing my balance and landing ass-first in the Atlantic. A wife, a mom, a daughter and sister, kind of a grandma. Until recently a full-time dog rescuer, now more concerned with rescuing myself. User of dog hair as accessory, decor and garnish. Technical writer, strategic thinker, occasional entrepreneur. Voiceless poet and storyteller. Born again Christ-follower and former missionary schoolteacher chewing on some uncomfortable questions. Ignorer of rules, challenger of assumptions, believer in miracles. Skeptical libertarian, equal opportunity despiser of politicians and assholes. Gonnabe gardener, wannabe beekeeper, Monsanto-hating tree-hugger. Morbidly obese chocaholic, with a horse I don't ride because I might break him, and if not he would probably break me.

2 responses »

  1. I am SO pleased – you have unleashed your real self! Stunning, painfully honest, still funny – have shared your writing on FB. get it out there girl, you are what real woman the world over need. Will follow with much interest, your journey to health and hopefully wealth! Love you, Mrs Soustannie.x

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    • Dear Mrs Mac – Hello, and thank you so much for the encouraging words! I have been struggling so with what to make of this blog … The need to create it was irresistible, but having done so I have had the darnedest time figuring out what shape it should be. Every time I come in here I find myself fiddling with the framework – because until I get that right it seems impossible to know what fits. And then I go and read some of the other blogs out there and I have to ask myself WHY on earth I think myself able to do this. Who could possibly want to read my maunderings? Well, the fact is, I want to – and I want to read them in a place where others might stumble upon them and comment – and I want to have the courage to be uncompromisingly true to myself … if only I could figure out who that person might be. Anyway, it’s good to know you’re reading, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts…:)

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